In Brazil, they strike oil. In Italy, they strike wine. Last year’s harvest is likely to yield approximately a billion gallons of it, making the country (if the numbers stack up this month) the biggest producer in the world. Which is a good thing, unless you’re French. Getting bumped off the top spot is a bad thing.

Quantity doesn’t equate to quality, as we know. But that’s okay. Coldiretti, the Italian farmers’ lobby, says that between 1988 and 1997, Italy averaged 11 billion gallons a year but scaled down production to make better wine, with exceptional results. The group’s wine expert, Domenico Bosco, also tells us that demand is rising, in one notable case — and here’s that “booming-in-a-recession” hook again — thanks to people watching what they spend.

“It’s led by Amarone, Brunello di Montalcino, Barolo, and Chianti, but also Prosecco, which is priced lower than champagne and gets more attractive in times of crisis," Bosco says.

A friend who works (and drinks) at the excellent Decanter magazine suggests something a little off the beaten track, a red produced from the Aglianico grape grown in the volcanic soil of Campania and Basilicata in southern Italy. It’s one of those “legends” that not many people know about, unlike Nebbiolo, Sangiovese, or Corvina. Ask the smartest guy at your wine store for Aglianico del Vulture and see what happens.

The original “Domestic Goddess,” Nigella Lawson, incidentally, has a sublime recipe based on the Bellini peach and Prosecco cocktail. She calls it the “Disassembled Bellini” and you’ll find it on her website, www.nigella.com. Sure, it’s a summer drink, but right now I couldn’t think of a better way to freshen the palette after a comfort lunch of Roman oxtail stew.

Eco-troglodytes
Apart from producing outstanding wine, the area where Italians grow Aglianico is also historically fascinating. The Basilicata region, for instance, is home to an extraordinary settlement dating back to prehistoric times. Back then it was a network of caves. But, beginning in the 17th century, it has slowly evolved into crude houses for the poor, forced out of nearby Matera due to overcrowding. According to UNESCO, which has given the site World Heritage status, “This is the most outstanding, intact example of a troglodyte settlement in the Mediterranean region, perfectly adapted to its terrain and ecosystem.”

The place, called Sassi, had approximately 15,000 inhabitants in its modern incarnation, until 1952 when residents were re-housed in more hygienic conditions. Wealthy Romans never had this kind of trouble. They had spas, including the thermal variety in Campania. They liked their wine, too. But things, as we know, often got out of hand.

Enlightened indulgence
That’s not likely to happen at the recently restored Villa Lucia near Pisa in Tuscany. But what you do get at this grand 18th century villa and estate is a kind of enlightened indulgence — and the wine flows freely. In fact, after your chocolate oil massage, expect to be presented with a plate of chocolates and a generous glass of Italian red for dessert. There’s much more to the Villa Lucia than that, of course. It’s all about balance, anti-oxidants, cleansing… and relaxing. This is no boot camp. And they do seem to know what they’re doing. For more information, email info@vedicsparesorts.com.

Water into wine
Last bit about Italy and wine before we head for Paris and the trouser-popping sensuality of Dita Von Teese. Stay with me. There’s this ancient grape festival called Sagra dell’Uva in Marino, south of Rome, and they celebrate in great style. At a precise moment each October, an abundance of white wine cascades from the fountains in the town’s central square. Usually. Last year, a technical hiccup meant the wine was redirected into local people’s houses. It only lasted three minutes or so. But, do the math, think about the flow rate, that’s a lot of free plonk coming out of your faucet.

Lovely Dita
Yes, Dita Von Teese. I only bring her to your attention — as your European correspondent — because she’s heading back to the Crazy Horse Paris for a show running between the 1st and 15th of February. It’s hard think of a better social diversion if, say, you’re on a business trip in the French capital. You know what it’s like. You find yourself in a fabulous, glittering, pulsing city, and all you see are the insides of the airport terminal, the cab, and the conference room before enshrining your memories with a small plastic bottle of hotel shampoo. We all have to learn to make more time.

Why Dita? Why Crazy Horse? Well, Dita — ex-wife of the weird looking but perfect lucid Marilyn Manson — was last on the Crazy Horse Paris stage in 2006, when she performed her act Le Bain (The Bath) to full houses, rave reviews, and a few cartoon wolves. She’ll be doing it again, as well as performing three new numbers, especially for Paris.

Dita: “I’m very excited to have developed new acts, bringing together the classic American style burlesque that I’m known for, with the artistic approach that has made the Crazy Horse Paris famous since 1951. It’s a thrill and honour to share the stage with the world’s most captivating and talented showgirls. To miss the Crazy Horse Paris is to miss the most sophisticated and celebrated cabaret in the world.” There you have it. Dazzlingly colourful, acceptably titillating light entertainment from the thinking person’s Hollywood retro fetishist. And a great night out for all.

Hot-headed in Vienna
So far, I’ve reported on wine, women and song (sort of). Now, finally, to sweat. Makes sense to me. But here’s the question. Is it art? A Dutch artist called Joep van Lieshout thinks it is. He’s created something he calls The Wellness Skull and it’s there, right now, looking bizarre and a bit menacing at the Karlsplatz in Vienna. But don’t be scared. What you really need to do is step into this big, white skull made of wood and plastic — via entrances on each side of its neck — and relax in a hot bath or shower or even sweat it out in the sauna. The artist isn’t clear, really, about what it all means. But that’s okay because I’m sure the guys at Public Art Vienna know what they’re doing. They say it’s about putting energy into the city centre, revitalising the space — which translates, perhaps, as “creative city” branding. It makes me think about what happened with the Toronto Unlimited project a while ago, an interesting story in itself and rooted deeply in the city’s creative powers. Here’s hoping Vienna can emulate its success.